Where to Live After Retirement

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in
the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
when you open your oven door.
6 The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU FRICKING
KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can Live in New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature".
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Minnesota where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "All y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killing" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"

AND You can live in Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Top 25 Things Vanishing From America

25. PIT TOILETS
By the 2000 Census, the number of Americans who lacked indoor plumbing was down to 0.6%. Even though that's still an awful lot of Americans still using an outhouse or pit toilet -- 670,000 households or 1.3 million people -- it's a huge improvement from 1950 when 27% of households (and over half of rural households) didn't have complete indoor plumbing.

24. YELLOW PAGES
This year will be pivotal for the global Yellow Pages industry. Much like newspapers, print Yellow Pages will continue to bleed dollars to their various digital counterparts, from Internet Yellow Pages (IYPs), to local search engines and combination search/listing services like ReachLocal and Yodle. Factors like an acceleration of the print "fade rate" and the looming recession will contribute to the onslaught. One research firm predicts the falloff in usage of newspapers and print Yellow Pages could even reach 10% this year -- much higher than the 2%-3% fade rate seen in past years.

23. CLASSIFIED ADS

The Internet has made so many things obsolete that newspaper classified ads might sound like just another trivial item on a long list. But this is one of those harbingers of the future that could signal the end of civilization as we know it. The argument is that if newspaper classifieds are replaced by free online listings at sites like Craigslist.org and Google Base, then newspapers are not far behind them.

22. MOVIE RENTAL STORES
While Netflix is looking up at the moment, Blockbuster keeps closing store locations by the hundreds. It still has about 6,000 left across the world, but those keep dwindling and the stock is down considerably in 2008, especially since the company gave up a quest of Circuit City. Movie Gallery, which owned the Hollywood Video brand, closed up shop earlier this year. Countless small video chains and mom-and-pop stores have given up the ghost already.

21. DIAL-UP INTERNET ACCESS
Dial-up connections have fallen from 40% in 2001 to 10% in 2008. The combination of an infrastructure to accommodate affordable high speed Internet connections and the disappearing home phone have all but pounded the final nail in the coffin of dial up Internet access.

20. PHONE LANDLINES

According to a survey from the National Center for Health Statistics, at the end of 2007, nearly one in six homes was cell-only and, of those homes that had landlines, one in eight only received calls on their cells.

19. CHESAPEAKE BAY BLUE CRABS
Maryland's icon, the blue crab, has been fading away in Chesapeake Bay. Last year Maryland saw the lowest harvest (22 million pounds) since 1945. Just four decades ago the bay produced 96 million pounds.The population is down 70% since 1990, when they first did a formal count. There are only about 120 million crabs in the bay and they think they need 200 million for a sustainable population. Overfishing, pollution, invasive species and global warming get the blame.

18. VCRs
For the better part of three decades, the VCR was a best-seller and staple in every American household until being completely decimated by the DVD, and now the Digital Video Recorder (DVR). In fact, the only remnants of the VHS age at your local Wal-Mart or Radio Shack are blank VHS tapes these days. Pre-recorded VHS tapes are largely gone and VHS decks are practically nowhere to be found.

17. ASH TREES
In the late 1990s, a pretty, iridescent green species of beetle, now known as the emerald ash borer, hitched a ride to North America with ash wood products imported from eastern Asia. In less than a decade, its larvae have killed millions of trees in the Midwest, and continue to spread. They've killed more than 30 million ash trees in southeastern Michigan alone, with tens of millions more lost in Ohio and Indiana. More than 7.5 billion ash trees are currently at risk.

16. HAM RADIO
Amateur radio operators enjoy personal (and often worldwide) wireless communications with each other and are able to support their communities with emergency and disaster communications if necessary, while increasing their personal knowledge of electronics and radio theory. However, proliferation of the Internet and its popularity among youth has caused the decline of amateur radio. In the past five years alone, the number of people holding active ham radio licenses has dropped by 50,000, even though Morse Code is no longer a requirement.

15. THE SWIMMING HOLE
Thanks to our litigious society, swimming holes are becoming a thing of the past. '20/20' reports that swimming hole owners, like Robert Every in High Falls, N.Y., are shutting them down out of worry that if someone gets hurt they'll sue. And that's exactly what happened in Seattle. The city of Bellingham was sued by Katie Hofstetter who was paralyzed in a fall at a popular swimming hole in Whatcom Falls Park. As injuries occur and lawsuits follow, expect more swimming holes to post "Keep out!" signs.

14. ANSWERING MACHINES
The increasing disappearance of answering machines is directly tied to No. 20 our list -- the decline of landlines. According to USA Today, the number of homes that only use cell phones jumped 159% between 2004 and 2007. It has been particularly bad in New York; since 2000, landline usage has dropped 55%. It's logical that as cell phones rise, many of them replacing traditional landlines, that there will be fewer answering machines.

13. CAMERAS THAT USE FILM
It doesn't require a statistician to prove the rapid disappearance of the film camera in America. Just look to companies like Nikon, the professional's choice for quality camera equipment. In 2006, it announced that it would stop making film cameras, pointing to the shrinking market -- only 3% of its sales in 2005, compared to 75% of sales from digital cameras and equipment.

12. INCANDESCENT BULBS
Before a few years ago, the standard 60-watt (or, yikes, 100-watt) bulb was the mainstay of every U.S. home. With the green movement and all-things-sustainable-energy crowd, the Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb (CFL) is largely replacing the older, Edison-era incandescent bulb. The EPA reports that 2007 sales for Energy Star CFLs nearly doubled from 2006, and these sales accounted for approximately 20 percent of the U.S. light bulb market. And according to USA Today, a new energy bill plans to phase out incandescent bulbs in the next four to 12 years.

11. STAND-ALONE BOWLING ALLEYS
BowlingBalls.US claims there are still 60 million Americans who bowl at least once a year, but many are not bowling in stand-alone bowling alleys. Today most new bowling alleys are part of facilities for all types or recreation including laser tag, go-karts, bumper cars, video game arcades, climbing walls and glow miniature golf. Bowling lanes also have been added to many non-traditional venues such as adult communities, hotels and resorts, and gambling casinos.

10. THE MILKMAN
According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, in 1950, over half of the milk delivered was to the home in quart bottles, by 1963, it was about a third and by 2001, it represented only 0.4% percent. Nowadays most milk is sold through supermarkets in gallon jugs. The steady decline in home-delivered milk is blamed, of course, on the rise of the supermarket, better home refrigeration and longer-lasting milk. Although some milkmen still make the rounds in pockets of the U.S., they are certainly a dying breed.

9. HAND-WRITTEN LETTERS
In 2006, the Radicati Group estimated that, worldwide, 183 billion e-mails were sent each day. Two million each second. By November of 2007, an estimated 3.3 billion Earthlings owned cell phones, and 80% of the world's population had access to cell phone coverage. In 2004, half-a-trillion text messages were sent, and the number has no doubt increased exponentially since then. So where amongst this gorge of gabble is there room for the elegant, polite hand-written letter?

8. WILD HORSES
It is estimated that 100 years ago, as many as two million horses were roaming free within the United States. In 2001, National Geographic News estimated that the wild horse population had decreased to about 50,000 head. Currently, the National Wild Horse and Burro Advisory board states that there are 32,000 free roaming horses in ten Western states, with half of them residing in Nevada. The Bureau of Land Management is seeking to reduce the total number of free range horses to 27,000, possibly by selective euthanasia.

7. PERSONAL CHECKS
According to an American Bankers Assoc. report, a net 23% of consumers plan to decrease their use of checks over the next two years, while a net 14% plan to increase their use of PIN debit. Bill payment remains the last stronghold of paper-based payments -- for the time being. Checks continue to be the most commonly used bill payment method, with 71% of consumers paying at least one recurring bill per month by writing a check. However, on a bill-by-bill basis, checks account for only 49% of consumers' recurring bill payments (down from 72% in 2001 and 60% in 2003).

6. DRIVE-IN THEATERS
During the peak in 1958, there were more than 4,000 drive-in theaters in this country, but in 2007 only 405 drive-ins were still operating. Exactly zero new drive-ins have been built since 2005. Only one reopened in 2005 and five reopened in 2006, so there isn't much of a movement toward reviving the closed ones.

5. MUMPS & MEASELS
Despite what's been in the news lately, the measles and mumps actually, truly are disappearing from the United States. In 1964, 212,000 cases of mumps were reported in the U.S. By 1983, this figure had dropped to 3,000, thanks to a vigorous vaccination program. Prior to the introduction of the measles vaccine, approximately half a million cases of measles were reported in the U.S. annually, resulting in 450 deaths. In 2005, only 66 cases were recorded.

4. HONEY BEES
Perhaps nothing on our list of disappearing America is so dire; plummeting so enormously; and so necessary to the survival of our food supply as the honey bee. 'Colony Collapse Disorder,' or CCD, has spread throughout the U.S. and Europe over the past few years, wiping out 50% to 90% of the colonies of many beekeepers -- and along with it, their livelihood.

3. NEWS MAGAZINES AND TV NEWS
While the TV evening newscasts haven't gone anywhere over the last several decades, their audiences have. In 1984, in a story about the diminishing returns of the evening news, the New York Times reported that all three network evening-news programs combined had only 40.9 million viewers. Fast forward to 2008, and what they have today is half that.

2. ANALOG TV
According to the Consumer Electronics Association, 85% of homes in the U.S. get their television programming through cable or satellite providers. For the remaining 15% -- or 13 million individuals -- who are using rabbit ears or a large outdoor antenna to get their local stations, change is in the air. If you are one of these people you'll need to get a new TV or a converter box in order to get the new stations which will only be broadcast in digital.

1. THE FAMILY FARM
Since the 1930s, the number of family farms has been declining rapidly. According to the USDA, 5.3 million farms dotted the nation in 1950, but this number had declined to 2.1 million by the 2003 farm census (data from the 2007 census hasn't yet been published). Ninety-one percent of the U.S. farms are small family farms.

HELL YEAH I'M A TEXAN!!!!

Hell Yeah Im Texan !! PROUD OF IT !!!!! ( I don't know who wrote this but they got it right)

Instructions for NEW Texans:

1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

10. There are no deli's. Don't ask.

11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.

12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.

13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven

14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down in December.

16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!

17. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Dodge 1500 is. (or for some of you an Dodge 3500)

18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.

19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.

20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.

21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'margarita.'

23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.

24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull on to the shoulder that is called "courtesy".

26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hotdogs outdoors.

27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.

28. "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

30. Coca-Cola is no substitute for Dr. Pepper.

When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you questions like, "Do you have any cows?" "Do you have horses?" "Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?"

They all want to know if you've been to Southfork. They watched "Dallas"

Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be.. As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it they know what it is. It's Texas. Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is. What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You might get it maybe after a second or two, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?

In every man, woman and child on this planet, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride off in a pickup. There is a little bit of Texas in everyone.

Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, "Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it?" Do you know why? Because no one gives a crap about Iowa.

Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom.

We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis and James Bowie and Crockett, and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas.

Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Anna at San Jacinto.

Texas is huge forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest.

Texas is breathtaking mountains in the Big Bend.

Texas is the unparalleled beauty of bluebonnet fields in the Texas Hill Country.

Texas is the beautiful, warm beaches of the Gulf Coast of South Texas.

Texas is the shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas.

Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork.

Texas is Mexican food like nowhere else, not even Mexico.

Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall, the Ballpark in Arlington and the Astrodome.

Texas is larger-than-life legends like Michael DeBakey, Denton Cooley, Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Gene Autry, Audie Murphy, Tommy Lee Jones, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, Kris Kristofferson, Tom Landry, Darrell Royal, ZZ Top, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan, Sam Rayburn, Howard Hughes, Lyndon B. Johnson... and...

PANTERA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments and Compaq. Bell Heilocopter And LOCKHEED MARTIN AEROSPACE, Home of the F-16 Jet Fighter and the JSF Fighter.

Texas is NASA.

Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops.

Texas is home to the most amazing sunsets of gold over an empty field.

Texans have pride like no others.

Texas is hundreds of deer running around neighborhoods and fields.

Texas is skies blackened with doves, and fields full of deer.

Texas is a place where towns and cities shut down to watch the local high school football game on Friday nights and for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, and for the Night In Old San Antonio River Parade in San Antonio.



To drive across Texas is to drive 1/4 the way across the United States

Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities.

If it isn't in Texas, you probably don't need it.

Everything's bigger in Texas!

No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.

By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, California, or Maine and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17 feet. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Klein Oak High or anyplace else at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because it is the only state that was a republic before it became a state.

Also, being a Texan is as high as being an American down here. Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in Washington, D.C. and we can divide our state into five states at any time if we wanted to! We included these things as part of the deal when we came on. That's the best part, right there.

Texas even has its own power grid!!

...and dont even lie to yourself... Texas has the hottest girls in the world!!! Did I mention Live music capitol of the world?

THOUGHT YOU KNEW EVERYTHING?

********************************

The liquid inside young coconuts
can be used as a substitute for


Blood plasma.

*********************************

No piece of paper can be folded in half


more than seven (7) times.

**********************************

Donkeys kill more people annually

than plane crashes.

**********************************

You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

**********************************

Oak trees do not produce acorns

until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

***********************************
The first product to have a bar code

was Wrigley's gum.

***********************************

The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

************************************

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
by eliminating one (1) olive

from each salad served in first-class.

**************************************

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with
women,what does this tell you!)

*****************************************

Apples, not caffeine,

are more efficient at waking you up in the
morning.

******************************************

Most dust particles in your house are made
from

DEAD SKIN!

*******************************************

The first owner of the Marlboro Company
died of lung cancer.

So did the first " Marlboro Man."

********************************************

Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!

********************************************

PEARLS MELT

IN VINEGAR!

********************************************

The three most valuable brand names on earth:

Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

*******************************************

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

but, not downstairs.

*******************************************

A duck's quack doesn't echo,

and no one knows why.

******************************************

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush
be kept at least six (6) feet away from
a toilet to avoid airborne particles
resulting from the flush.


(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)


Richard Millhouse Nixon


was the first U.S. president
whose name contains all the letters
from the word "criminal."
The second ?
William Jefferson Clinton


(Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)

*************************************

And the best for last.....


Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

Rain....Finally

Well, it's about time. A week straight of wet muggy weather. The perfect time aerate and fertilize the lawn. And maybe pray that we get a good green lawn all summer long. The burn ban has been lift for just a short while so if you have brush piled up and you're looking to get rid of it, now would be the time to light the ol' Bic. They only lift the ban for a week at a time so make sure your clear before you light that match ;). You can find more info here : http://www.co.kendall.tx.us/

Daylight Savings Time '07

Daylight Saving Time has been extended by one month because of legislation signed by President George W. Bush. - Thank you Mr. Bush. This is without a doubt the best time of the year (for me anyway). Getting home in the afternoon and having a few extra hours of daylight to get chores done is nice. Last Monday sunrise was at 6:55, this Monday it will be at 7:48. Daylight Saving Time will begin Sunday, March 11 the change will end on Nov. 3, 2007, the first Sunday of November. These are the new dates for the daylight savings time period, first weekend in March and last weekend November.

I hope everyone enjoys it as much as me!

Spring Break

Yes, spring is in the air. The kids will be out of school all week next week, so keep an eye out. Traffic is always easier in the morning but lunch time is a whole other story. Sonic will be full and you know getting a Blizzard from DQ is going to be pretty crowded. But for most of us it's a time to get the ol'garden ready. I fancy fresh tomatos, sweet corn and squash. Fresh greenbeans are great, but I can't go without the tomatos. It's always nice to get out and get stuff done during the spring. Not to cold and not to hot. One of the only times of the year you get that chance. So my advice: Get-R-Done! :)

Kane
Boerne Search